Sigh. Bad Ride.

I had a really bad ride last night. Actually, it probably wasn't any worse than my other bad rides down here, but I felt really defeated last night. I'm so so so tired of getting dropped on every.single.ride. In Omaha, I rode with a few other women when I just started out. I was slower than them when I began riding, but in a couple of short months, I was already faster, and they kept saying stuff like, "Wow, you should really race", and they'd give me names of racing groups that I should join, etc. It was really encouraging. But I've joined groups down here that I can't keep up with, and while I realize this is good, I'm starting to feel like the racehorse that never wins, and I'm losing all my motivation. I mean, it isn't even close! I got dropped on the first hill and never saw the rest of the group again. Last night, it even crossed my mind that I should quit, although I doubt that'll happen--I was just really not enjoying myself. I'm always struggling to keep up, and riding my bike has gotten to a point where it isn't fun anymore. At least when I'm horseback riding, I'm constantly improving, and riding with trainers that can tell me what I'm doing right and wrong, and even when I have bad rides, it gives me something to work on. I really wish I could start horseback riding again, but this %*&$^%$ job doesn't pay enough :( Though the one really good thing about this crappy job is it's giving me the motivation to really consider starting a company... Anyway, I think I need to start riding alone, or at the very least, find a slower group. I do ride with groups to improve, but I also love the social aspect, and if I'm always getting dropped, there IS no socializing on the ride. As bad as this sounds, I really need to ride every now and then with people that I can drop. I'm a sick person. :)

Another big part of the problem right now is riding in traffic. It just completely frazzles my brain for some reason. When I have a shoulder or bike lane to ride on, it's not nearly as bad, but last night we went up a short, hilly street, and there was a car behind me that couldn't pass because the driver couldn't see beyond the top of the hill. So he/she had to wait while I went 7 MPH up this hill. In Omaha, a huge part of the reason that I improved is because of the Keystone Trail. It was 25 miles of paved trail, and I could go whenever I want and concentrate on nothing but ME and improving. I could take it slow or I could go fast and do intervals. And I improved FAST. I just don't even want to ride with this group anymore.

I remember last Oct/Nov, I rode with a friend of mine that races. I couldn't keep up with him (obviously), and he dropped me really easily on the hills. I was pedaling for all I was worth, and felt like I was going nowhere, and got really pissy. He told me that if I was just going to get mad, then maybe cycling wasn't for me. (I remember those words specifically... "Maybe cycling isn't for you.") I thought about it later on that day, got pissed, and told him if he ever told me that again, I'd hack off his balls. Hah.

Sigh... okay, I'm done bitching. At least about that. Michael and I might be going to the Alamo Drafthouse (a movie theater that serves food, beer, drinks, etc.) so I have that to look forward to. Plus it's FRIDAY!! :)